The two letters below are apology letters written to me. 

Subject: I posted at the gossip colum, and I’d like to apologize.
Message: T, Dear Tanya,

I hope that this email brings you and your family some peace of mind.  I know you have been praying about it, and so have I.  From what I can glean from reading your blog, I see that we are both Christians.

I am not the person who started the thread at the site, but I am the person who posted about you in the thread.  It hurts me that I brought fear and drama into your life.  I want you to know that I did not post the info to hurt you, or slander you in any way.  In fact, I really wasn’t thinking when I did it.  I got sucked into the negative atmosphere.

My friend and I were checking out your blog, which I only learned of a week ago.  You mentioned that you were a stylist, and I was curious to learn more.  I wanted to know if you worked with any celebs, or were popular in LA.    

I’m really disappointed in myself.  that site is always asking about someone, and I just responded without thinking anything of it.  I was up late, tired, with a glass of wine. 

When I reread what I posted, I realized that it came across as mean spirited and my friend told me it was just going to bring drama.  After reading your blog some more, I can see that you are too sweet and too nice of a person and that you don’t deserve that. Speaking negatively of someone is not in my heart, not my nature.  I’m not a “hater” and I surely don’t want to be associated with those bitter chicks at that site, because that is not me.  People had already been talking about you for 3 pages before I posted, and had already made all types of accusations and assumptions about your life, which is unfortunate.  

I tried to go back and delete my post, but there was no edit button on the account.  That site is very negative place, and I no longer want to be associated it. I can’t consider myself a good Christian if I keep visiting that site.  All they do is talk about people, trash, bash, and gossip.  I see that the Admins deleted some info and moved the thread, but now it looks like they have moved it back.  I have asked them several times to delete all of my posts, as well as my account, but since they like drama, they’re ignoring me.  I wish I could get the whole thread deleted for you, but since I didn’t start it, I can’t.  People keep private messaging me for info, but I refuse to respond them.  I’m also reporting anyone that continues to ask me questions or post in that thread.  I am doing what I can to help you.

I assure you that I am about as harmless as they come, and I’m not obsessed with your life.  I barely have time to focus on my own.  I’m not a nosy person per se, but I consider myself very analytical by nature, as I am in school with plans to become a lawyer.  I’m always trying to figure someone out and get to the bottom of things.  Sometimes that gets me in trouble, and again, I apologize.

If I were you, I would continue asking them to delete the thread, and if not, I would register and post my own personal statement.  That usually puts an end to their foolishness.  They bashed a friend of mine, and it got quite nasty, but not much could be done about it.  Drama eventually died down on its own after she confronted them online.  

I honestly wonder how that site stays up, and am curious as to how they’ve managed to avoid lawsuits.  But then again, slander and libel issues are civil suits that are very hard to prove.  You also have to find a judge willing to hear the case.  There are more important issues up for trial like criminal suits.  The things they were saying in the thread are things  reasonably assumed after reading your blog. 

I know you have a right to be angry, and trust that I am even angrier with myself for being stupid and gullible enough to be lured into that negative atmosphere.  I’m even more devastated that I hurt someone.  I hate that place with a passion.  Honestly, I don’t think anything will come of this.  Look at all your blog comments!  You have lots of fans.  They’d be disappointed if you took down your blog.  

My friend emailed you also, but I’m not sure if you got it.  She was telling you how you could protect yourself if you blog online.  I also recommend signing up for Google Alerts, which will alert you anytime someone references you or mentions your name.  

As for me, again, I would like to sincerely apologize.  If there was anything else I could to remedy the situation I would, but I’m just a broke college student who is in poor health.  I don’t want any trouble.  I can’t afford it, physically or financially.  I’m not online much, and for the most part I mind my business and live a quiet existence.  I am very very very sorry, and I will continue fighting for you at that site, until they delete my account like I asked them to.  I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

And oh yeah, please don’t delete your blog.  Your positive energy keeps me inspired and motivated despite many of the negative and trying things that are going on in my own life right now.  I will pray for you.  Please do the same for me.

Matthew 5:44

But I say unto you, Love your enimies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and prosecute you: for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

 Hopefully this will bring you some peace (regarding the gossip colum drama)
Message: Dear Tanya,

I’m here with the person who posted on the gossip colum. I will claim partial responsibility since I was present when the info was posted, and my info may be attached to the gossip colum account account.  I surely don’t want any trouble and can’t afford it.

I’d like to speak on her behalf.  She’s a shy and god-fearing person who would never have it in her heart to “slander” someone.  She doesn’t even gossip or hang out on this site often.  She’s just a poor PT student who works FT…She doesn’t have any money, or clout, or a reputation.  She barely has any friends.  It was an err of bad judgment and peer pressure that made her post. We asked the Admins at the gossip colum to delete all the posts, as well as her account for your benefit as well as her own.  She has not posted this info anywhere else, and promises not to say another word.  There are no ill feelings or intentions – we like you and we love your blog.  

I follow your blog, and yes, we were both very curious as to how you seem to have so many nice things.  You mentioned that you were a stylist, and I went online to see if you were popular in LA/have worked with celebrities, and other things mentioned.  Same type of stuff people look up when they are trying to get info about celebrities.  Just general info, nothing that invades privacy.  I always like to know who’s who in the entertainment world.  We thought you might have celeb connections. Several people in the thread made assumptions about your life based on what they’ve read in your blog .  When you put it out there, people will assume.  They were curious as to whether or not you were married to a celeb or athlete…..all that silly stuff.
We were sitting there reading the thread where people were asking all kinds of questions and making assumptions about you.  My friend was annoyed with the behavior of the posters on that site, and how they admire and worship everyone, and thought she was teaching a lesson by showing that everything is not always as it appears, and that people shouldn’t be so envious.  The intent was not to slander or speak ill, but when we realized that it could be perceived as such, she decided that she wanted to delete that post.  Unfortunately, at this site, newer members cannot edit or delete their own posts.

Again, I speak for my friend, but we’re both very sorry about this, want to put the drama behind us, and we hope and pray that it ends for you.  We wanted to get the thread deleted .  We’d both be very disappointed if you deleted your blog.  No one here is out to cause you any harm and no one is obsessed with your life.  You can call off the investigators, and there is no need to worry because you and your beautiful fam are not in any danger.  If anything, I’d be more angry with the person who started the topic on the site than my friend who basically answered the questions asked.  It’s sad that people are so concerned with others.

I will tell you this also – when you make your life public, you have to be prepared for people to want to know more.  I’ve had my own Internet drama, and that is why I chose to go offline and live my life in private.  


You have a right to be angry…and I’m angry for you.  I’m also disappointed in my friend, and myself.  So far, we’ve done all we can right now to protect you and make things right. The gossip colum had deleted the info in the thread, and my friend is working on getting the entire thread deleted.  We both wish that it had never happened.  But again, I assure you that there was no ill will or harm intended.

To you – I say keep doing you….and don’t delete that blog!  You’ve got a great sense of fashion, and I’m sure this blog will take you far.  I love your positive energy.  It’s not where we came from, it’s where we end up that matters.  My own road has not been paved with gold.  But it’s our experiences that make us stronger, and make us the people that we are today.  This too shall pass.

God Bless.

Tip of the day: Think before you act!

 

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35 thoughts on “Before you attack someone look in the mirror…

  1. Tanya, my wife my friend and my inspiration! First I want to say how much you have inspired me to be a better person, husband and father. Baby, like I always tell you there are two kinds of people, those who can't help themselves because of the hate and jealousy they have will not let them be happy with their own life, then you have those who are always supportive and genuine. I feel that this situation is nothing but another obstacle for us to get past. I thought about telling you to walk away because it is not worth the hurt I heard in your voice when you told me about these haters trying to attack you! Baby, I thought about it and I feel it wouldn't be fair to all your new friends you've made that you inspire all by being true to who you are. Not only true to yourself as a person but as a wife, mother and friend. In closing I just wanted to say that you have changed my life with the support you have for our family. Like I always tell you I must have done something right in the eyes of the Lord for him to have blessed me with YOU, the love of my life… Right or wrong good or bad I will support you until the end of time.

  2. Together we shut it down huh baby! Thanks for always playing the background and supporting me and what I choose to do. That makes me feel blessed to have you!!! I'll love you until the end of time.:)

  3. Aaaaah its nothing like having a supportive hubby!! Such a blessing! Glad you decided to continue your blog! 🙂 Stay encouraged Tanya!

    Nneka

  4. WOW. This says it all. All things work together for good to them that love the lord and are called according to His purpose. I luv you Tanya. God bless you and here's to your continued success. Always, Always be a light in a dark place. You NEVER KNOW who you will be a blessing to and lead closer to God which is where we all need to be headed whether we believe it or not. Looks like God had His way here once again. All's well and ends well. : )

  5. And this too shall pass…. I'm extremely proud of the both of you. Beautiful words B….. Never knew you were that in touch with your feelings, but I'm happy about it.. ;-). I love the both of you dearly and you will continue you be in my prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cindy

  6. I love this! You live and you learn..and once again your site has taught a couple of women a myriad of life lessons from this one experience..which is awesome..because I know you and I know that you have a teaching spirit and a forgiving spirit. The unity between you and B is beautiful..he's got your back and you've got his..you make eachother better..and that is what LOVE and MARRIAGE is about. Im glad that these ladies did the right thing and apologized because they were wrong in every sense of the word..

  7. That was very nice of them to own up to their part in the whole ordeal and to express their apologies. I hope it DID give you some peace of mind!

  8. God is the best knower of everything and your other half knows how stronge you are sista soulja….I know sometimes we allow the devil to get inside us but dont forget you are gods creation and he will protect you..To all the evil people just know what you down on the next person god will pull your cover so your bad is shown to the world. Thank you mr majormusthave for always uplifting your wife and making her feel like the queen she is..keep the force field around your love stronge and never let them come close.

  9. i have heald my tongue to watch too see how far haters can go & i see there is no limit to people with no life will do .envy is a sin & its very obiviouse to me what this is all my years ive never been a hater i love to see black women doin postive things over comin there trials & tribulations & still standing strong.Some people are blessed with the total package and some people have to take peices from other people lives to fill complete. im just bless to know my freind & i know excatly who we are we dont feed off of bs we just walk threw it. In our stelitos with 6 inch heels.But to all my theral breads stand together & dont let the nobody's win cause at the end of the day a sin is a sin.

  10. Wow! I'm glad the people that offended you came forward to apologize..i guess you scared them with the private investigator. Nonetheless, I hope this had brought your peace of mind and aww to your hubby's comment up there!

    I'm SOOOO glad you're not shutting your blog down *wipes brow* I get much style inspiration from you as I'm on my own journey to be more polished–if you will. I've always dressed it up when it was time to dress up but I'm also a tomboy at heart and now that I'm older..I feel it's time to hang it up.

    Thanks Tanya for your blog and for staying true to yourself!

    God Bless

  11. As I read what your husband wrote tears rolled down my face.

    There is nothing greater than the love of God and the love and support of your family. God is so AMAZING. What the devil meant for evil God has turned into good.

    "Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world"

    Tanya,

    I pray you will continue to be the light in the darkness. Thank you for keeping your blog up! "Lord knows I need it!"

    God bless,
    Grace -Anne

  12. Good on them for owning up and accepting that they were at fault! In my culture [Hinduism] we believe in good over Evil and that sometimes it takes time but Good always wins in the end! You have a wonderful family and friends and loving husband Tanya! I am glad it is all over and you will be back to your fabulous gorgeous self again! 🙂 Lots of love and peace!

    http://www.tanvii.com

  13. Aww man, this is the best news I gotten since the morning started. Blessings to you and your hubby. A clean heart will always prevail over bad-mind and negativity.

  14. Hey Princess,

    I am glad you forgave the two ladies. That was very big of you. You are truly bless with God and a good man behind you.

    AGAIN, LADIES STOP BASHING EACH OTHER. YOU DO NOT SEE MEN DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER.
    EVERYBODY IS GOING THROUGH STUFF RIGHT NOW, LET'S UPLIFT AND PRAY FOR EACH OTHER.

    PSALM 37; 3-5 TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD; SO SHALL THOU DWELL IN THE LAND AND VERILY THOU
    SHALL BE FED. DELIGHT THYSELF IN THE LORD; AND HE SHALL GIVE THEE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART.
    COMMIT THY WAY UNTO THE LORD; TRUST ALSO IN HIM; AND HE SHALL BRING IT TO PASS.

    GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. GOOD ALWAYS OVERPOWER EVIL.

    TANYA YOU HAVE A GOOD HEART, ALSO YOUR HUSBAND. I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
    I AM PROUD OF YOU AND I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.

    LOVE,

    MOMS

  15. Thats what im talking about a loving and supportive husband LOVEEEE IT!!! Im so glad that you didnt delete this blog. Im glad to see your back to yourself. I love you dearly

  16. YAYYYYYYYYY SIS I'M SOOOO GLAD THINGS ARE BETTER……WERE TO FLY FOR DRAMA…..A GUILTY CONSCIOUS IS SOMETHING ELSE HUH? LMAO…….I LUV U SO MUCH AND IM GLAD THE WEBSITE WILL STILL BE UP…..I TOLD U THEY COULDN'T KNOCK THE RIGHTEOUS ONES DOWN :)…….TALK TO U SOON….

  17. Awhh, such beautiful words from your husband, very supportive, I love it!!!. I am glad you didn't take down your blog and the ladies came forward and said what they did. Keep doing you, you are a very beautiful sister with a kind heart. God Bless you..

  18. Tanya the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much so I'm glad that everything is sorted out and I look forward to more fashion and inspiration. Stay sweet girl! 🙂

    "To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” – Robert Muller

  19. I'M GLAD TO SEE THINGS TOOK A TURN FOR THE GREATERn IN ALL OF THIS. THOSE WORDS THST B SPOKE WERE INSPIRATIONAL AND PURE.. IM GLAD UR NOT SHUTTING THE0SITE DOWN TOO.HOPEFULLY EVERYONE HAD LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON THRU ALL OF THIS… I LOVE U DEARLY CONTINUE TO SPREAD WORDSOF ENCOURAGEMENT AND BEING THAT SHINING STAR THAT UTRULY R.. LOVE YA T… AKA. LADY WAKE.. F- BABY.

  20. You are a daily inspiration and a gift of upliftment, encouragement and fullspirit to so many women across the world. God has choosen you as a vessle that he designed with Grace and Style. Who can bring out Fashion, Poise, Spirituality and Grace under one umbrella? YOU! No matter how people appear to you in the form of the devil never let them destroy the design that God has created! I think that your are awsome and excellent and I admire your journey! Remember one thing: When you can change the lives of many and touch the hearts of several you are doing God's work! Countinue to walk in his path and be who you are! Continue to FACE THE WORLD WITH A SMILE!!! God Bless…… From on Belizean Princess to another….. 🙂

  21. I'm glad that you did not go down without a fight and faced those that were agaisnt you. There are five mechanisms that we use to handle situations in our lives: attack, flee, avoid, neglect or succumb. You chose to attack and faced your situation head on and was victorious. This is the God in you! Stay strong Sis! Peace and Blessings!

  22. This is my first time visiting your site and i must say that I am very glad that you did not let any of the drama that this email was referring to deter you from continuing your work. As a christian. mother,& self employed woman we will incure attacks from the enemy in the most unlikeliest ways. But the devil is a lie and the Lord gives strength and b/c you have chosen to not let him win, you will continue to be highly blessed. As a true fashionista as well, i will checking your site out and passing it on…I look forward to more!

  23. People need to learn this "Don’t hate Just congratulate if can congratulate maybe god will god will create some beauty in you then you wouldn’t be walking with a nasty attitude."

  24. Hey Tanya! I decided to check your blog today b/c I haven't done so in a few weeks and to my surprise I began to read about your recent trials and tribs and the negativity that has penetrated the internet surrounding your personal business.

    Your blog was mentioned on a forum where us gals discuss couture handbags and shoes and I've been following your style ever since. I've never commented on your blog, but I felt the need to speak out when you were deciding to abandon the blog. You have acquired a great many friends/fans that you know of but imagine the other ladies you've inspired whom you have NO clue are even watching or reading. I want to speak up on behalf of those women and young ladies– though I have never been vocal before, I personally admire your sense of style, humility and joyful spirit. I would hate for you to stop bloggin b/c of the recent events.

    You exude such confidence and beauty and people are intrigued and want to know more, unfortunately nasty rumors occur as a result of their speculation. The world isn't all accepting but please know that your positivity outweighs any negative that people may try to inflict on your character. I think your site is fun, tasteful and favorable to some of the other blogs. Don't disrupt what you've created on account of others bad judgement, forgive and proceed!

    -ChiTownDiva
    "Nowhere can you find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in your own soul." ~Marcus Aurelius

  25. It's important to apologize. It's very courageous too. We all make mistakes, but what makes us who we are is whether or not we admit that we messed up and try to make things better.

  26. For several years I have maintained a website but never have I had a uggs on sale blog. It has become the modern way for society to keep everyone informed of what we are doing and what we are thinking,..(scary). I have often wondered if I had a blog what would I write about, what topic would I want to pass on to ugg boots on sale others. Here’s the deal,….if it’s my blog I guess I can write about whatever I choose. How about sports or travels, grandkids or religion. Maybe funny things or sad. Who knows? Were you ever just driving along and just have something pop into your mind and think, “wow, I wish I had someone to share this with right now while it’s fresh on my mind”? Well here it is! My Blog.

  27. I feel the love!!! God does not like ugly. I don't know what happened to make these girls rethink your sharing with the world but I'm glad that it did. So proud of you for not forgetting the others who truly appreciate you!

  28. I am new to this blog and I must say Thank you! Thank you for your strength and words of encouragement. No one knows what a person goes through and to have you share your experiences, gift and love with us Is what we , I need. I pray that you continue to stay Blessed and don't let no one Block your Blessings. I wish I could meet you in person you bring great energy and love even though I never met you, You seem to be the kind of person whom I would enjoy as a friend with great integrity, God fearing and A lot of Love. God Bless!