The power I discovered in being alone

free people kimonoWhen my husband first passed away, as you all could imagine, I was devastated. He was such a loving, wise, smart, strong, loyal man. Almost fatherly as he protected me so much. If anyone made me upset, he hated them, lol. But seriously, the day he left this earth, I was forced to make so many business decisions, and that in itself kind of messed with my head for a minute. It was like life really gotta move forward. The world was still moving, and I was just here, sitting in sadness.

It’s not anyone’s responsibility to make me happy. That is the true power of this all. So when people came around and didn’t do what I wanted {talk about him the entire time} or tried to get me to do things that I didn’t want to do, it made me go even more into a shell. I also knew some people were only trying to get me out of my grief. The actual fact was, I wanted to sit in it. I heard this in a movie the other day, “The only way out is through,” and that is so true. Why run from the pain. Sit in it, and while you do that no need to bring others down with you. So I did everything alone with only a few family and friends around, and still, it was pretty limited. I worked because I had to, cried when I needed to, and wiped my own tears away. I don’t ever feel like I was in a depression, but I was very sad, and I wanted to feel every bit of it. When I was finally ready to try the people thing again, they still needed me in my grief when they came around. That’s when I decided to take all the time I needed to myself to focus on Laila and me. I became very SELF-ish. If I had all the noise around of others, how could I keep my mind clear to listen to myself and learn the power of my own voice?

I have been in a relationship since I was 15. This is actually the first time I’ve been alone for so long. I had so many important decisions to make, and imagine the most intelligent person you know not there to bounce ideas off of. This was when I knew, again at all cost, I had to learn not to depend on people. My husband never made me second guess myself. He trusted me. He made me know that I am also innovative and very intuitive, so I have to trust myself. He was my witness in life. It’s like he prepared me. But when we have people around sometimes, that makes you second guess yourself or how you’re feeling. This is why sitting alone and taking time for yourself is very important.

I don’t mean sitting alone, being idle, and letting your mind get the best of you. I mean sitting, paying attention to your thoughts, feeling them, learning the power in redirecting them if needed. I rested and talked to God a lot with no outside distractions other than what was absolutely necessary on my off time, especially on those nights I couldn’t sleep. Studying myself, reading, praying, and doing something for someone else is what helped me a lot. This was Laila in my case. I was fortunate to have her and be able to pour my love and support into her. We helped one another so much. We were able to talk about him, cry, and in turn, laugh right after. No one could have been better there for me than her, yet still, we gave one another space.

In closing, I can say after seeing the benefits of being solo; I got addicted to it. In sitting alone, I was able to discover so much. The #1 thing I noticed, is that God is very intentional. In all of our storms, He still is thinking of us. Alone time also helped me to continue to find things to be thankful for. Things kept happening, but everything also kept working out, which allowed my faith muscle to build again. This is how I can make my mind up without a doubt, and I don’t really care what people think. Being alone allows you time to study yourself and get to know yourself better. I know me. That’s how I can confidently move forward, knowing that God has my back and anything my heart desires I will get. All I have to do is have faith, prepare and stay ready.

Tip of the day: Remember in the storm, God is still thinking of you.

Just believe in YOU and be YOU…


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